Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
