News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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