I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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