were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
