i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
that may or may not have been my penis.
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