He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
