I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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