i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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