Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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