you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
