why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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