As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
me + whiskey = a bad person
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize