Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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