Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize