eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize