so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
