Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
