Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
