and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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