I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
