Welp...herpes.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
