i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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