Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
