I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
