three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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