You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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