You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
