Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
