This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Two words: nipple clamps
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
