I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize