When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
