Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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