Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
