I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
