my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
