eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize