A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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