How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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