I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
