Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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