I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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