Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
