Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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