Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
