He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
