The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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