Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
