i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
