New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
