I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need moral support for this bender
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
