She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
