last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
