she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
don't judge my taste in strippers
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
