Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
