Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
