Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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