he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
