I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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