I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize