she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
