Already got asked if we're dating
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
