I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
