I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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